Before one has children, it's hard to imagine the things you might end up doing because you're the mama. Things like:
- Nursing in a crowded public place
- Flying diaper bag-less from Oakland to Salt Lake City with a newborn
- Picking up 20,000 beads from a shag rug
- Wiping off bird poo from a child's hand in Lowe's with a plastic grill tool bag (sorry again, but you were the one with the birds inside your building, Lowe's)
- Sewing an Astrid costume from scratch with only the internet and a false sense of sewing security
- Saying "please don't _____" (fill in blank with random collection of words chosen from dictionary while blindfolded)
7. Removing a shoplifting security tag from a legally purchased dress blouse with matches and a knife
Last week I took Maddie to Kohl's* to find a dressy white blouse for her to wear to her Albuquerque Youth Symphony concert yesterday afternoon. We finally found something that would work, stood in line for 20+ minutes, made our purchase and headed home. She hung the blouse in her closet. Fast forward to yesterday afternoon when she retrieved said blouse while getting ready, when I spotted the disaster: IT STILL HAD THE SECURITY TAG ON.
It was less than an hour until we had to be on our way to the other side of town. Under no circumstances did I have time to load everyone up to go back to Kohl's on a Sunday afternoon in December to explain that they had forgotten to remove this tag. But you cannot show up to your concert with a shoplifting tag hanging from your hem. So, I determined I would remove it myself. Here are the things I tried:
- Willing it to come off by pulling on it. (Fail)
- Calling Matt in North Dakota to ask for his bright idea (Fail, in an inspection meeting and didn't answer)**
- Sawing it off (Fail)
- Willing it more intensely to come off by staring at it with laser-vision (Fail)
- Watching YouTube video about how to remove shoplifting security tag with fire and a knife (Success)
I have a very hard time believing that all 1.4 million people who have watched the video I chose (there were many tutorials available) all were victims of last-minute clothing catastrophes and forgetful retail employees, but whatever. As recently-moved people with a new grill that lights properly, we didn't have any long lighters on hand, so I used our crappy little eco-friendly matches (which I will hopefully avoid buying again when I finally finish up all 8000 of them). This "quick and easy!" technique involved setting the tag on fire while avoiding setting myself on fire, and I'm happy to report it worked exactly as advertised. It is most definitely not a resume skill, but when is that ever the way when it comes to the bizarre skills gained via motherhood? Exactly.
*Still working on "cheerfully shopping for dress clothes with 13 year old"
**Matt later said he would have suggested bashing it with a hammer, which did not occur to me, so who knows if that would have worked or not